Now, despite being jaded and cynical and pretty much a misanthrope, I often find myself taken aback by the tastes(or lack thereof) of the producers and the consumers that drive this industry. What really got my dander up this year was a certain post on a certain forum by a certain moron declaring a certain trade show as a certain success for everyone. Yeah, he's a liar. Or just dumb. Or a dumb liar. But something along those lines. Here's the truth: It's only a good time to be a gamer if you are a testosterone-addled, pepetually-teenaged boy whose only interests in life are guns, sex,and cars.(i really should bold and colour and underline this thing up to make it look like a late-90s geocities propaganda site) That's not me. This is NOT a good time for me to be a gamer.
People tout diversity in games these days, but from everyting I see, it's all being levelled at the same group of 13-25 year old, machismo-driven mantards. Every single game seems to be patterned off the scripts of rejected 1980s action movies. Things blow up, you shoot things, you fight things, more things blow up, you drive fast, things blow up, you shoot some more, you probably blow up a time or two; it's mind-numbingly predictable. And wehy do people keep buying this over and over and over again and why do they get hyped up for it every time. Maybe I just wasn't born with an enjoys-shooting-at-things-in-browns-and-grays gene. or maybe i was born with good taste. And nothing had me lolling like the Splinter Cell trailer. All dramatic and earnest and the big twist is something happened to his wife?(son? daughter? puppy dog?) and now he no longer plays by the rules. Rawr. I don't believe it could have been more hackneyed if they had tried. And if we needed any more arguments against the prominence of story in games, Splinter Cell: Conviction provides them in spades by combining boring gameplay with hackneyed storylines resulting in a platter more shameful to own than a faux poreclain Dale Earnhardt commemorative plate.
Look! Another arm-holding-a-gun-in-the-corner-of-the-screen game for the 360!- DenisDuckFat, from IRC 06/01/09
If you know me(and i feel sorry for you if you don't), you know there are certain genres of video games that I hate. Not "don't like," hate. Hate. HATE. HATE. These include car diving games, sports sims, eye-view gun-using games, music games, sneakin' around games, three dimensional platformers, horror movie games. That list may not be exhaustive. Keeping this in mind, what did this year's E3 have for me? New Super mario Bros. Wii. That pretty much wraps it up for E3 2009 as far as I'm concerned.
"Bu-But, Denis -- Metroid! It's no longer in 1st person! What about that?" Shut up. Do you see who's helping make it? Team Ninja. Let's take a look at what they're for: violence games and boob physics. Yeah, I'm gonna pass on this one 'cause I'm not one of those perpetual teenaged mongoloids we discussed earlier. Pretty sad that after being raped for nearly a decade by Retro, Metroid has again been turned over to be ravaged by Team Ninja. And I shudder to think about the things they'd do to poor Metroid.
YES. Game #2 of E3 for me. I've sifted through the hundreds upon hundreds of stupid violent, sneakin, car drivin, shooting, boring, shooting, samey, brown and gray, shooting, 3d, shooting games to find the 2 that appeal to me; that remind my why i play. That's not a good ratio, and that's why this industry and you suck. You make this happen.
This is what's left for me. That's it. Gone forever are the days of going to the video store and browsing the games for rent for nearly an hour trying to decide which to choose. Now I have to research for hours just to find one thing that that suits my tastes. Once before I felt this pessimistic about video games. It was shortly after playing Ocarina of Time forthe first time. My faith had already been shaken by the repugnant reimagining of Matio games in 3D(Mario 64). Ocarina of TIme came by and destroyed it entirely. My 2 favourite franchises were ruined by the added dimension. I figured(and correctly so) that if those 2 series were ruined, there was little hope for the rest of games. So I gave up for several years. Strangely enough, it was trade shows that lured me back in(and Harvest Moons). First with Pikmin at E3 2001, and then with the amazing reveal of Zelda at Spaceworld 2001. Will E3 '11 restore my faith in games? Not at this rate.
No comments:
Post a Comment